Almond Joy- A Not So Joyous Turnout

I was debating whether to write about this or not. We all have our mistakes. We’re not perfect, but damnit..I need to be perfect in the kitchen. I take cooking pretty darn seriously (probably too seriously at times). And as we can see here….I am at cconfession. My first (public) display of culinary failure.

This past weekend was the Los Angeles Blogger Bake Sale, raising money for the No Kid Hungry Campaign and Share Our Strength. It was a wonderful success and huge turnout. I was so excited to bake for such an extravagant cause, I wanted to do something different and unique. Not something I know everyone will bring.

Almond joy was on the top of my list, courtesy of Joy the Baker. A sweet pairing of coconut and toasted almond dipped in dark chocolate…how can you resist?

Well…I’ll tell you.

My first mistake was the coconut. Do you know how hard it is to find unsweetened flaked coconut? God bless my husband for searching countless stores for me.
I followed the recipe to a ‘T’, “mix together the condensed milk with the flake coconut and freeze before forming into small logs”. OK, I can do that.

Now do you see the problem here? I was trying to ignore the obvious. The obvious logs that didn’t want to hold together for the life of them. This is not the classic almond joy I remember growing up. The creamy coconut filling wasn’t there, instead they were falling apart thick coconut flakes that wouldn’t stand a chance. Epic fail #1.

So, I improvised. I then took the mixture and processed it in the blender creating a thick coconut paste.

This should do the trick! These babies will hold together through anything. I got this.

And so I continued.

Looks good, right? Yes…I was proud of my quick thinking as well. Until I was halfway through molding my coconut logs and I glance at my first row and see and puddle of coconut juice smearing underneath the candies. They were melting before my eyes. Yes I am in Southern Cali on a 75 degree Spring day, but honestly…Almond Joy, you can’t wait 10 minutes for me to finish? Epic fail #2.

I quickly threw these little suckers jewels into the freezer and started on my chocolate. Now I don’t work with chocolate often, but I can handle a double boiler. The chocolate was melting beautifully. It was shiny and dark and dripped off my spatula like….well I’ll leave you to think of something.

The directions were simple. “Place logs on fork and drip chocolate with a spoon so almond sticks. Then dip the fork in the chocolate”.

So there I go, carefully dipping this fragile coconut log into warmed melted chocolate. I dip and utter dessert disaster erupts. Clumpy uneven chocolate attempts to coat the coconut. Pieces of coconut fall into the chocolate bowl…and well…I just lose it. Epic fail #3.

I improvised again…and this is what happened.

I’ve gone mad.

So I’m thinking. OK..this isn’t too bad. I’ll let this chill and it can be a “Drizzled Chocolate Almond Joy”. I chill for about 30 minutes and remove from freezer. As I’m chipping away at the chocolate ends, I am noticing again these candies are melting before my eyes…again!

Condensation has taken over the chocolate and I see wet spots a top. Is this even possible? Are the chocolate Gods out to get me today?  Why is this happening? How in the world is chocolate sweating? It’s not even doing anything! Epic fail #4.

So I left it at that. Melting chocolate almond joy from the wicked witch of the west. I decided not to include them for the bake sale and grabbed a bottle glass of wine.

Have you had any culinary disasters?


  1. says

    Call it the crazy foodie in me but how did they taste? Lol.

    I want to try making these. Maybe we can skype make them one day in tandem. I’ve had many failures. Sometimes the stars do not align. I blame the puppy whenever possible. You can blame my puppy too if you like.

  2. says

    Your site looks fantastic!!!!!

    Oh, yeah…tons of flops…many go right into the garbage :) But as a huge coconut fan, I would have shoveled these babies right into my mouth….

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